Portrait of an entitled husband...

All too often I bear witness to women in 1:1 abuse recovery support work with me, tell their story of marriage, divorce and post-separation abuse.

Partnered, or tying to extricate from, an entitled and narcissistic husband.

This man believes his wife is an owned possession. Put there to serve him, for free labor and to do his bidding in all ways. Labor which; often resulted in great success for him, yet came through her ideas, emotional labor, sweat equity, home management, childcare, nourishment, love and protection. These women assisted and enabled him to often create and spearhead a significant empire or career.

Such men feel like a wife is there to tend to his every need like his Mom did, and to look good in all ways that reflect well on him for the outside world to see. Including looking appealing, (which almost always means slim and put together) for his sexual gratification should it be required, which he believes is his right as he ‘provides the money'.

Just as dehumanizing as the sexual entitlement within the relationship, is being sexually and emotionally discarded when she is deemed unattractive now due to body changes after childbirth. Blind-siding the woman who thought she was giving him the world, after he arduously and relentlessly pursued the desire for children.

When the reality of the changes in his wife after one or multiple children ; excess weight, scars or aging, less time or resources to groom - somehow in his eyes, she has voided her contract.

Not providing sex a certain amount of times a week, or not being ‘sexy or hot’ to look at anymore, or draw admiration from his equally misogynistic peers. This turns out to be an ever-moving target for her, almost impossible to achieve by the way.

When a man with this conditioning already thinks of you as his mom - once you become one ; any shred of being hot to him takes its dying breath. Him needing her to be the cook, cleaner, manager, business adviser and support solutions, Mom, carer, therapist, cheerleader, storefront and sex Goddess is a tall order. Thus he feels justified and fully entitled to go and ‘get it elsewhere’.

Which he does.

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